The Guest Lecturer

I wrote and presented this speech at a church function for fathers and sons about masculinity. There are clear references from The Screwtape Letters, and I blush with embarrassment that I even attempted to write a short piece following Lewis’s genius. For the record, however, the chief inspiration for the performance, and for the devil horns I wore, was not CS Lewis, but Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean). During a live performance, he played Satan welcoming new deliveries to Hell. It is from him I stole. I believe it is the first time anyone at my church has dressed up as a demon to instruct young men in the ways of masculinity. It may also be the last.

These kinds of things always sound better read in an English accent, so if you are reading this, please do your own voice. Also, the CAPS words are just there to remind me to emphasize the word when reading.

Introduction

Greetings young fiends, my name is Asriel, Deputy Chair for the Ministry of Gender Obfuscation. I am very pleased to be back at my old stomping grounds, where I was a student myself all those many eons ago, learning the arts of temptation just like you. I am here at the request of your most esteemed Professor Slimetruckle to share with you a few tips for tempting the men and boy patients that you will be assigned upon graduation. It gives me great pleasure to see in your greedy eyes the same hunger for souls that was in me, and it makes me proud to be a devil.

As you may know, I recently released my third instructional book How To Destroy Masculinity: A Handbook for Young Tempters. It has achieved a level of success beyond even my foulest nightmares. I do so love the subject, that when Slimetruckle asked me to return to my alma mater to share with young defilers my experiences, I absolutely jumped at the opportunity.

As you may have read, my instructional manuals have received glowing reviews from The Sheol Times, Hellstreet Journal, The Gehenna Tribune, and Christianity Today. And if you have read my previous two texts Feminism: Mother of Death and Six Habits Of Highly Effective Tempters, you know what a fascination I have with this strange binary of SEX the Enemy has imbued his filthy creation with, and how, if CLEVERLY TREATED, can be used to unravel all His intentions above.

We are in a very great and noble struggle with the Enemy, one the Our Father Below started with his bold act of Resistance all those eons ago. It is that same battle that wages now, and we are fighting with more vigor and intention now than when we first began. It is that same struggle against Tyranny you all are bravely learning to engage, and will soon occupy the front lines. This is a battle I believe we can win. It is a battle that we ARE WINNING. And we all lick our lips with forked tongues in delicious anticipation of the fouled souls fermenting to an unholy perfection that we will dine on for eternity if we stay the course.

Now, this third book is by far my most important, for it deals with a force that is terribly dangerous to us and to our cause should we fail, but is equally damaging to the Enemy’s cause IF it can be outflanked; if it can be turned to our own purposes. And I am very pleased to be able to tell you that EVERYWHERE we are making advances. Sectors that in the past were all but abandoned have been given new death, new direction, and new POSSIBILITIES. Technological advances both on the crust above and here below have given us an upper hand. We have taken ground and advanced on the Enemy, striking with vigor, purpose, and creativity at vital and strategic points. I can tell you that I have never been more proud than I am today to be a demon, and prouder still to be leading in one of our most important -and most successful campaigns – the DESTRUCTION AND ATROPHY OF Masculinity.

I was informed by Professor Slimetruckle that you all have chosen to major in Gender Befuddlement, is that right? And that we have both tracks here today, I understand, the Usurpation Track specializing in the female sex, and the Enfeeblement Track with the males? Excellent! Well, as you know I am here going to be speaking specifically on the males of the species that one day some of you will be assigned to, and so you Enfeeblement majors will gather some useful tips. But as you know, the Enemy had the silly idea of making the two of them ONE, so what happens to one necessarily will affect the other. So Usurpation majors, you will also find some useful information for how to nudge the females you will be assigned to infect.

Now, before we get to some black pearls of tempting the male species it is important to get a good foundation under us. I know this is Enfeeblement 101 stuff you received as freshdevils, but it never hurts to review.

Review

I would first like to catch us all up on what the other side would say is the point of why he made Masculinity in as STRONG as a case I can make; it does no good to straw man these kinds of things, particularly with so many open flames about. As Lao Tzu said, “Know your enemy.” You can find Lao Tzu down here somewhere and ask him yourself. We must know the devastating strength of the Enemy, his intentions, and his means to achieve them, or else we are doomed to be fighting on an empty battlefield.

We devils do not create. Several attempts have been made over the eons to make some kind of thing from scratch, but all that resulted was some kind of mutation of the Good in some form, and so all the R&D divisions have been retired and I see no hope of them ever reopening. Fine by me. No need to reinvent the wheel and as you know there is no shortage of creations we can find to corrupt. But this doesn’t mean we cannot create in our own ways. We can be creative in our destruction. Spoiling is better than toiling, I always say.

Make no mistake, we are dealing with a power and reality in Masculinity that is older than the earth, older than the universe, older even than ourselves. And for this reason, this trait that we are attempting to castrate, cannot ultimately BE castrated. Only confused, distracted, thrown out of balance, lulled to sleep. It is an eternal reality, as disgusting as that is and as acrid on my tongue as it tastes, we must acknowledge this. Masculinity is not something INVENTED by the Enemy when those two hairless apes were created all those years ago. Neither is it a trait that EVOLVES like we have convinced them everything else has. No, it is from the Enemy himself, bound up in his frustratingly inscrutable Being. This is a DIVINE trait plopped RIGHT into the man’s soul, scooped directly from Him. It has terrible prospects for our doom. Those are the facts. We must know what we are fighting against.

Now, just because this reality is an eternal one, does not mean that we cannot twist the male into a form that is so like ourselves that it essentially severs all connection to its Origin. Indeed, as we shall see in a moment we are doing just that. We have several advantages over the Enemy. Not the least of which is that the male soul is already bent towards abdication. We can never forget chink in the armor of Man that Our Great Serpent discovered on that balmy day in Eden all those years ago: MAN doesn’t WANT the strength he was granted and everywhere at all times seeks to abandon ship.

Bear in mind, that these several points I will be making tonight cannot ultimately annihilate the target. Still, with some good strategy and hard work, we can render it ineffective, confused, discombobulated, and all shades of yellow.

Now, so much for the appetizer. On to the meat.

WEIGHTLESSNESS. That, in a word, is our goal; that is the strategy for our day. I know you are all majoring in Enfeeblement, and this is a very fine goal. But I think that strategy of weakening the Males was based on, what I think, was faulty research. My discovery – the one that catapulted my career – is this: it is not primarily the Strength of the Enemy in which the Man mirrors his creator most, but the sheer GRAVITY of his Being, the WEIGHT of his glory. And it is a fraction of this weight that he has placed into the males. This weight can be lessened by attacking His strength, to be certain, but it cannot ultimately achieve our goal of incapacitating and rendering useless this terrible POWER. 

Follow me closely: The Enemy made Man to work, and work is the ability to MOVE things, to affect one’s environment. Now, if you weaken your patient, even to the utmost, so that all he can do is lie face down in the grass, this is very pleasing, of course. But he still holds the weight by simply being a vessel for divine masculinity. He can still bend the blades of grass, so to speak. Even a gentle breeze can ripple the water. And there is always the fearful possibility that the weakness will wake up and find that it is strong. It is because of this MISUNDERSTANDING of Man we have lost countless crops in the past. It is no good to stop with weakness when weightlessness is within our reach.

There is no greater tragedy for Man, and triumph for us, than that we help him realize his weightlessness, his worthlessness. To so diminish him that upon the spot of earth where he lives even the blades of GRASS stand erect, unbent by his trivial soles, and on his deathbed he will look with envy at the grasshoppers that so easily bend the flowers. AND If weightlessness is the destination, then the UNREAL is the vehicle that will take them there. Let me give you two examples of how to begin erasing your patient.

Distraction

The first tactic you must master is that of distraction. Mankind, as you have learned in your schooling, is a horrific mutation of two natures, part flesh, and part spirit. These two identities are bound so that what happens to the one affects the other. This is good for us because it means we can attack our enemy on two fronts. Jumbling up their spirits with doubts and fears can lead to physical effects on the body, and likewise, their perceptions of their physical bodies can influence their spiritual declensions a great deal.

In the past, the male was just as primed for distraction, but because of the circumstances of his life, was unable to have the distractible things deter him. Celebrations were few and far between, and there wasn’t much to read if indeed the species could read at all. Truthfully, not much research was done by way of distraction for their lives were naturally immune to it. Now, we are living in a time when their technologies have made all of their jobs easier. It has also proven especially helpful to our cause against the males, particularly the young ones, which is where we get the most bang for our buck. There was a time, indeed, for most of the history of their world, where their masculinity was required of them to eke out life at all. Trees needed to be cut, roots dug out, rocks hauled, animals hunted, houses built, etc etc. These were times when the natural strength of the species had a functional purpose. These HARD times made hard men, and the hard men made soft times, and the SOFT times have made soft men. It is upon these softened men that you will let loose.

The patients you will be assigned to, of course, will be primed with ALL the technology of the age. I am speaking specifically about their interaction with the UNREAL in the forms of entertainment they have at their fingertips nearly every minute of the day. Games of various sorts, recordings of animals doing animal things, a person being stupid or falling off a roof, or some sort of violent act. They seem to adore particularly viewing the misfortune of others and laughing at it. It is all the same to you; your goal ought to be to keep the endless stream of distraction going. 

Distraction serves several very useful purposes. First, and most obvious, it keeps them from meaningful responsibility. As you have learned, it is one of the cardinal rules of the Enemy that AUTHORITY FLOWS TO THOSE WHO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Authority confers weight – taking on their shoulders the Enemy’s responsibility weighs them down, which is precisely the opposite of the weightlessness we are after. So long as they are engaged with the UNREAL there is no danger of them growing up into their true and terrible form of Men mastering the earth for which they were created. If the dog is sleeping, let it lie. (SMILE)

Second, distractions keep the males physically inactive. Except for the minuscule movement of a few fingers and thumbs, they are nearly indistinguishable from a corpse, the activity in their brain notwithstanding, leaving their many muscles with nothing to do. The atrophy of both the mind and the body during these prolonged periods of immobility are to our immediate and long term advantage. For every minute they are laying on their backsides is a minute they are not testing their strength, hardening their minds, and turning their bodies into the shape of what the Enemy intended their form.

So long as your patient is sedentary he is not doing other things his ancestors have done in the past which always served to REINFORCE their masculinity – cutting grass, building a house, tending to the farm, fighting battles, etcetera. It’s not that THOSE activities cannot THEMSELVES be corrupted, but it’s not as easy. It is very difficult to convince a man of his weightlessness when he is tilling a field behind a team of oxen. Better the boy that is barefooted and bathrobed at midday; he is precisely in the position we want him.

Third, these distractions keep their minds on the unreal. Just because we are demons does not mean we always default to the false, the untrue. What is INFINITELY more useful in distraction is not the truth or the untruth, which may get their minds actually THINKING, but the UNREAL, the IRRELEVANT. 

Here particularly the distraction of video games are becoming increasingly helpful, as they are, for the most part, GAMES. Battle simulations, fending off evil attacks, building cathedrals whose spires scratch the sky, competing arm and arm on the sports pitch. Sound familiar? These are the activities that require REAL weight, that achieve lasting glory. Achievements that necessitate CREATIVITY, that one trait we, lamentably, lack! If these simulated activities were done in the real world, it would most certainly be to our disadvantage. Males would quickly discover that others must consider them as possible threats. And once a man knows others need to reckon with him, that they need to factor HIM into their equations, that his WEIGHT can affect real CHANGE in both the spiritual and physical world, it is very hard to undo. And that is why the more you can get your patient proud of his accomplishments in the digital world of the UNREAL, the more you will have him visiting that world for validation, which, of course, is so much fluff. Let them terraform digital landscapes to their heart’s content. The more time spent in THAT world, the less in this. When all the best feelings of his life are associated with the UNREAL, he will begin to LONG for the UNREAL, and fade from THIS ONE. lighter and lighter, a specter superimposed on the unwelcoming and unsympathetic world of the REAL.

You know, it is quite a fascinating thing to watch, they will exchange the titillation for reality, and almost every time. Get your patient hooked on the FRACTION OF FUN each video or game or whatever silly piece of ephemera shoved into their faces a thousand times a day, and it rewires his ENTIRE BRAIN to become a habit. We have conducted several studies to discover the upper limits of their distractibility, and I am very glad to say our tempters, after HOURS of the patient engaging in these digital games, showed ABSOLUTELY NO sign of fatigue, and so we were forced to terminate the experiment. Truly, it didn’t appear the patients were aware of the passage of time AT ALL, leading to the conclusion that they have, what seems, an INFINITE appetite for distraction. 

Press this advantage.

And this kind of thing yields fruit both in the immediate and in the future since they learn to associate the virtual with FEELING GOOD. The UNREAL will become a refuge from the world whenever they are faced with even the SLIGHTEST obstacle or unpleasant feeling – even trivial ones, and they will wish to get back to UNREALITY as soon as possible to make their failure stop. And this is a beautifully recursive feedback loop. These distractions keep the males from becoming resilient, which weakens their stamina to engage a dangerous world, fortifying their softness and causing them to return to the soothing, familiar, and safe cave of artificial gunfire, artificial applause, artificial life. There is no failure when respawning is seconds away.

In summary of the point, remember the connection between the spirit and flesh: weakening the body translates to weightlessness in the spirit. Let them build worlds so long as it isn’t in the physical one they occupy. Let them risk life for the damsel, or the world, or the damned galaxy for all we care, so long as it happens with the living room shades drawn. Let them feel, after emerging from the cocoon of titillation after five hours, like they actually had accomplished something (LAUGHS). Let the whole earth be filled with the ENEMY’S GLORY, we shall keep them dying of in-doorness. Keep them distracted, coddled, pallid, puny, sedentary, lifeless, joyless. Make all their greatest victories deletable.

So far so good? Very well, on to my second strategy of weightlessness, the really FUN one.

Pornography

Right now a tremendous amount of our resources are being poured into the confusion of human sexuality. Hordes of your fellow tempters are introducing an INCREDIBLE NEW LOSTNESS that the world has never seen, and all of this delirious confusion starts with the human’s sex. And you may wonder why.

We find the answer in the mysterious category of the Enemy called GENDER. Now, as I said before, masculinity is a certain way of being that is derived straight from the Enemy himself. He did not INVENT it when he created the humans, by creating MAN he forged a VESSEL to HOLD the masculinity in. And so the masculine gender on the Earth is shaped like MALE. Likewise, femininity takes the soft, nourishing, bosomy form of female on planet Earth. The spiritual and physical -gender and sex- are here united. One must marvel at the efficiency of the whole thing.

Now, it is precisely at this point of UNION of gender and sex that you must aim your efforts BECAUSE this is the ONE point in ALL the Enemy’s creation where the heavens and earth MEET; this SEAM that sews together ETERNAL gender and TEMPORAL sex is where the individual creature IMAGES the Enemy most NEARLY. Furthermore, it is the UNION of the two genders in their ceremony of MARRIAGE that most fully embodies the ONENESS of the Enemy. As a general rule, HE is always bringing things together and WE are set on tearing things to pieces. These are things you should have already learned as freshdevils.

Here we could talk about a great many mischievous ways to HACK at this seam and boast about our victories in separating their gender and sexual identities. But, far and away, the most FRUITFUL endeavors we can engage in to destroy the UNIFYING tendency of the Enemy is the persistent application of PORNOGRAPHY, to which they have limitless access.

As a tempter pornography is your BREAD AND BUTTER. I cannot stress this enough. I know you all have dreams of the real TWISTED PERVERSIONS you want to get your patient into… but do not be hasty. You must crawl before you can walk. This means you must Master the art of CLIMATIZING your patient to a PRACTICED retreat into pornography. There is no better use of your time and resources.

The statistics are overwhelmingly encouraging. We have gained such a hold on the psyche of these last few generations of man that the collapse of any MEANINGFUL union between male and female is almost a guarantee. Even the young men who call themselves CHRISTIANS often are up to the NECK in the stuff, aided by their parents who hand them an unlocked Pandora’s box through their technologies, where we are free to empty RESERVOIRS of the sweet sewage straight from the minds of the WICKEDEST men right into their innocent, developing brains. Young plants fed poison grow in all KINDS of twisted ways.

Pornography is such a boon to our cause because it acts in every way as a solvent to dissolve all of those ways by which the Enemy intends for UNITY. It does this by fraying at the seam that ties a man’s physical strength to the Enemy’s intentions of his masculinity, while simultaneously PERVERTING his UNION with a female. Let me explain how this works.

First, pornography decouples the intention of your patient’s gender from his sex. As we know from the Enemy’s CORRESPONDENCE to the humans, He intended the male to lay his life down for the female, to “die” for her, as he puts it, to provide, protect, etcetera. For all of these things, his strength is required. He gives of himself unto death so others can live. And the Enemy mirrors this physical intention in the spiritual: The man is meant to BRING his strength and GIVE to the female. With pornography, there is, of course, no REAL female present: a female with a WILL, with desires, needs, physical imperfections, perhaps, insecurities, the need to be loved, cared for, died for. That is the messiness of the REAL, the stuff that requires strength, the dying to the self. 

With pornography, we are replacing that one REAL woman with a HAREM of UNREAL females. Unreal in the sense they are not physically present, but also that NO REAL FEMALE acts the way they see in their pornographic trysts. AND these unreal women are available to him at all times of the day, always at his beck and call, submissive to his WILDEST desires, and, most importantly, REQUIRE NO STRENGTH OR SACRIFICE FROM HIM. His physical body shows its strength, but it is then squandered on HIMSELF. He might as well be a beast roaming the earth, rutting and grunting, brutishly looking for a visceral release. He is all sex, all temporal, and the eternal gender, the REAL that confers WEIGHT is rejected.  

In this fictive world, he is the perfect lover, with no flesh and blood to check his vanity. In short, there is no roadblock to him increasingly adoring himself. If you can get him to abuse his imagination in sexual matters, you can get him to abuse it in all matters – soon he will be fantasizing about being rich instead of working and saving, daydreaming about acts of heroism without bothering to open his mouth about the REAL injustices he sees a hundred times a day in front of his face.

Second, pornography erodes the UNION of the two genders. Think about what the Enemy has said about the male and female. In marriage, the two become ONE, and this oneness is symbolized by the sexual union of the male and female, the CONSUMMATION of the marriage. It is in this UNION that they truly Image their creator. 

Pornography is the SIMULATION of this consummation. The man is mimicking, if you will, the act of the UNION, but with himself. He is not giving to the female as he is meant to, but taking. He does not look to SERVE a woman by giving his strength, NOR even to have THEM SERVE HIM, but for the nameless to BE SERVED to him as A SNACK. The wonderful hideousness of pornography is that it makes ZOMBIES of men, who lose all sense except for the taste of flesh. And thus, through pornography, we erode the UNION of the genders by turning the act of CONSUMMATION into an act of CONSUMPTION. Females become FOOD.

So you see, by mastering this ONE trick of habituating your patient’s desires to the prodigious act of self-gratification, we can ATOMIZE all the most meaningful ways the Enemy means to UNIONIZE.

Now, having your patient spend his strength in such a way to nullify the Enemy’s intention for oneness is the end in itself. But we cannot forget the primary means pornography affords by which you can KEEP your patient grazing on the fields of your choice, and that is through his sense of SHAME.

A good tempter knows how to create a steady revenue of shame in the life of his patient because a SHAMED man is a WEAK man, and a weak man, a WEIGHTLESS one. Sexual sin can produce that kind of ROT that spreads so easily to the other areas of the man’s life. A man who fills himself one moment with lust, cannot in any MEANINGFUL way leap right into the service of the Enemy without first putting on such a mask of hypocrisy SO THICK it even makes ME blush. Keep a man in the fog of shame and you will never fail to have his cowardice more than a memory away.

Shame is the easiest way to keep your patient’s soul skittish. As you have no doubt learned, SHAME is the mirror of the ENEMY in which the creature sees his filth in truth. It is the soul’s sense of pain that tells it something is wrong. Shame results when an IMAGE betrays the ORIGINAL which it images in a deep way. It is the last resort, the safety line the CREATOR gave to the CREATION as a warning that their identity is fraying. Do not make the mistake of thinking that SHAME was made for you. It is still the Enemy’s gift. But that doesn’t mean it cannot be used to our advantage. 

Shame is uncomfortable for them. They do not like it; that is the point. But they only have two options; they either ignore it or return to the Enemy to have their broken bones set right. It is to your advantage to ensure the latter does not happen. Once you have convinced your patient the Enemy has no interest in sullying his throne room with the kind of filth he has exposed himself to, the only recourse he has is to distance himself from it. This schizophrenic process of the patient at once LIVING OUT the shameful actions IN THE FLESH while separating himself mentally from the feelings of shame IN THE SPIRIT is precisely the kind of disunity limbo where you want to keep him.

The more time you spend heaping up the shame, the more your patient will have to dig through to get free from it. Once you get your man buried under mountains of shame he is, for our purposes, so ineffectual he might as well be under six feet of earth. So long as the man is living in shame he is of absolute no danger to us. Ashamed men are afraid of their own shadows. They will not step up into any act they believe morally true with the fresh rot of hypocrisy fermenting in their soul. ESPECIALLY if your patient is a CHRISTIAN; it weakens his sword hand.

Now, if your patient is a Christian, and if you are consistently tripping him up with pornography, make sure WHEN HE FALLS, he falls BACKWARDS. You must be thinking one step ahead. Falling FORWARDS means a fall in the heavenly direction, a fall towards the Enemy, when he comes to his senses and realizes he has been eating a pig’s breakfast, and runs home to robe, ring, and fattened calf. The spell has been broken and he turns in repentance to the Enemy who is ALL TOO willing to extend his forgiveness. And once he realizes he will be accepted each and every time he indulges the flesh, the jig is up, and you have lost your bread and butter. 

So it is important while you whisper your temptation to lust in the RIGHT EAR you are at the same time whispering in the LEFT that God is a God of love and will forgive them and no one is perfect. Then without a moment’s delay, after they give in, flip the tables and remind them that they are far too smelly to go back to their Father. Suggest better let a bit of time elapse before he return to ask for forgiveness, let God cool off, let his anger abate; “time heals all”, suggest, and that when sufficient time has elapsed since their last infraction, after a track record of a few days pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps, then they can crawl back and show their bellies. Of course, then you work to make sure those few days never happen and you have snared your animal.

Time fails me to be able to tell you the wreckage that we can bring about should the male be married and haul in the harem and all their kink into his marriage bed. It can cause such a clash of expectations, and I hope dearly you get to experience it.

In summary of the point, as one of their own prophets said, “The first step in making slaves is offering free love.” We are at a time when this free love is available to them any second of the day. Press your advantage. Nothing in all of our arsenal can deal as much destruction as when you tempters master this one tool. Break the ability to unionize with the female by simulating unionizing with the female. Keep your patient steeped in pornographic images of the UNREAL you are on the right way to diffusing his masculinity. Keep his eyes glued to the unreal woman, turn the female into food, and lock the man into a small cell of shame, a meaningless kingdom of one. The man given to pornography is working WITH YOU to unravel his own manhood. He is being complicit in his own murder. Split the divine from the carnal and then feed the beast.

Dangling before them the unreal, and with each swallow they fade into the same unreality they pursue. Let him feel limp, ineffectual, unable to rise to the occasions of life. Keep to it. With each victory, with each subsequent fall to this lust, he becomes more of a shadow, thinner, lighter, toothless, less dangerous to us, and soon, after years of your hard work, after your man is anemic from a thousand pornographic cuts and has not strength to speak of, you may have your dessert. By becoming one with the unreal, he takes on that nature and becomes unreal himself. Shame sucks strength. See to it, young tempters, that you tarry thither.

Closing Comments

Well, it looks like that is all the time I have here tonight. But there is so much more to say. You are on the cusp of a very fruitful time in history with the most cunning administration I have seen in a very long time. Oh, the fields are ripe! How I wish I could go back and walk in your shoes, experience the delight of corruption again for the first time.

Remember, weightlessness is our goal! Keep them fat, happy, and fed with ephemera. Flood them with the UNREAL; permit the scabbard, prohibit the sword. Promise fulfillment, provide them with emptiness, and let them glut their maw until they think they are full.

Masculinity is a terrible power we are trying to avert. See to it that you work to keep it asleep. Seek to weaken you, patient, certainly, but push past this, take away his weight, sever any and all ties that his physical sex has to the Enemy’s gender he has placed within him, and you will see the kind of wispy, fallow, wraith I am talking about. Steal their weight, kill their purpose, and destroy their masculinity. 

Damn you all, and may the night come quick.